


Herculesstuck

by CJCroen1393



Series: Disney Parodies [1]
Category: Hercules (1997), Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Disney, Disney Parody, F/M, Fun, Gen, I love the songs in the movie, I'm definitely putting in the more iconic songs though, Not kidding, Skaia, The only Homestuck Disney parody I'll be doing, The rest will be Vocaloid, There won't be a lot of singing, but they would be too difficult to write in with the narrative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:06:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert, the Heir of Breath, is a powerful God from the Skaian Pantheon...or at least, that's what he was <i>supposed</i> to be, until the evil Caliborn sent Itchy and Doze to make him mortal and kill him. Naturally they mess up royally, and John retains his Godly strength and power over the wind. Now he needs to become a real God, so that he can join his family on Mount Skaia. But with an evil plan from Caliborn and a mysterious prophecy from three all-knowing Seers, does John really has what it takes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "And that's the Gospel Truth!"

**Author's Note:**

> This is like my first Disney parody fic and Homestuck fanfic! I hope you like!
> 
> Oh and my headcanon names for Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert are "Rita" and "Joe", respectively (Mom and Roxy are separate characters here) and I apologize in advance for Doze's unreadable speech.

_Long ago, in the faraway land of Ancient Skaia, there were stories of powerful Gods and extraordinary heroes. And one of the greatest of these heroes was the renowned Heir of Breath. But what is the measure of a true hero? That is what our story is--_

"Would you listen to him? He's making this story sound like some sort of tragedy!"

_Huh? Who said that?_

"Yeah, lighten up, dude!"

Andrew Hussie looks around the room to see a portrait with five young women on it; a cherub, in the middle, a human with dog ears and a Prospitian on the right hand side, and two trolls on the left hand side. They were all wearing black dresses with insignias that looked like little white galaxies on the chest.

"We'll take it from here, darling," said Calliope, the Cherub.

Andrew looked at them all for a moment. Then he smiled and said _You go girls._

And then he left.

"We are the Goddesses of Space," announced Calliope, "creators of universes and proclaimers of heroes!"

"Heroes, for example," said Jade, the human girl, "like John Egbert, the Heir of Breath!"

"Honey, you mean the _Hunk_ of Breath!" said Porrim, one of the two trolls, "I'd like to make some sweet music with him--"

"Our story," interrupted Calliope, "actually begins long before John, many eons ago."

She walked up to a large mural on the wall, featuring monstrous creatures attacking a city.

"You see," explained Calliope, "when the world was young, it was faced with a hideous foe; creatures known as Denizens ran amok throughout the world."

"It was thoroughly disgusting," said Kanaya, the second troll, "They left piles of bodies everywhere they went!"

"Chaos reigned throughout the land," said PM, the Prospitian, "civilization crumbled and died, earthquakes, volcanoes and storms never slept and all seemed doomed..."

"Until _he_ showed up," said Calliope.

They moved up to a large tapestry with the image of a man, tall and lean, with short black hair, green eyes, glasses, and a rather funny looking yellow outfit that consisted of a hooded top with wings on the chest and a pair of extremely short shorts. Around him was a glowing white aura and he had an expression of pure anger on his face as he sent a blast at the Denizens and immediately trapped them within the ground.

"Jake, the Page of Hope and later king of the Skaian Pantheon vanquished them, trapping them beneath the Earth forever!"

"And he created Mount Skaia! Where the Gods lived in harmony and happiness!"

"And that is where John's story begins..."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atop Mount Skaia, a big beautiful celebration was being held. And for good reason, too, as this party was for the christening of the Gods' prince.

Jake, Page of Hope and King of the Gods, stood with his wife, Jane who was the Maid of Life. Jane was a short woman, with short black hair, glasses, prominent front teeth and a kind smile. She had pale blue eyes and wore an outfit consisting of greyish brown pants and a swallowtail coat with a hood at the top and two green tentacles as the insignia.

She was holding their baby son. He was a tiny boy, with messy black hair, blue eyes and a sky blue shirt with a windy looking insignia. Of course, being a baby, he was wearing a diaper. He smiled happily at his mother and giggled as she placed him down in his cradle. Jake looked into the cradle and cooed cheerfully at him. John giggled and grabbed Jake's finger...then lifted him right off of the ground.

"A strong little tyke, isn't he?" asked Jake with a chuckle.

There were sudden exclamations of "Oops! 'Scuse me! Comin' through! Hot stuff! One side!" and Aradia, Messenger of the Gods, flew in happily, holding a bouquet and handing it to Jane.

"Why Aradia!" said Jane as she took the flowers and sniffed them, "They're lovely!"

"Thanks," said Aradia, "You know, I had the White Queen of Prospit make the arrangement, isn't that nutty?" 

She turned to Jake and said "Fabulous party by the way! I haven't seen so much love in a room since the Prince of Hope discovered himself!"

"Hey!" said Eridan, Prince of Hope (God of Hopelessness).

"Just workin' with what you give me!" 

Just then, Jane noticed that John was taking hold of one of Jake's "Hopesplosion Orbs".

"Jake," she said, "please keep those away from the baby!"

"Oh, he won't hurt himself," said Jake calmly, "Let the boy have some fun!"

John bit the orb and it immediately electrocuted him. He didn't cry, but he did gag with disgust and toss the orb into the crowd. The other Gods panicked and leaped out of the way until Dirk (the Prince of Heart or God of Lost Souls) deflected it with his sword. Dirk was a tall, blond man with spiky hair, pointed sunglasses and a maroon outfit with a heart insignia. He was accompanied by Roxy, the Rogue of Void (Goddess of the Unseen and Secretive), who was shorter than Dirk (but taller than Jane) with short blond hair that stuck out at the back. She had pink eyes and cobalt blue clothes with a mask. Dirk was holding a white-haired baby dressed in red and wearing miniature versions of Dirk's glasses.

"Dirk!" said Jake to his old friend, "Good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too." said Dirk, stoically, "I see everyone brought you guys presents."

"Yep!" said Jake, gesturing to the massive pile of swag on one of the clouds with a smile.

"We brought some gifts too!" said Roxy, "I brought him this!"

Roxy pulled out a small mask, which she gave to John. Within seconds of the mask being placed on John's face, he vanished!

"It's a mask of invisibility!" said Roxy, "He'll be sneaking around in no time at all!"

Jane chuckled and took the mask off of John.

"Well let's hope he doesn't start _too_ soon..."

"What about you, Dirk?" asked Jake.

"I brought him a friend." said Dirk holding up the baby. The baby squirmed out of Dirk's grip, revealing a set of white, feathered wings on his back. He fluttered over to John and looked at him curiously. "I made him myself."

"Ahem." said Roxy.

"I made him myself," Dirk said again. "out of some scrap metal I had lying around."

Roxy rolled her eyes. Jake smiled and asked, "Does he have a name?"

"Yes," said Dirk, "it's Dave. He'll be the Knight of Time someday, or at least that's what the Seers told me. Oh, and he can turn into a flying horse."

"Neat!" said Jake.

John and Dave looked at each other. John smiled and headbutted Dave, who looked dizzy for a moment before smiling and allowing John to hug him. This was met with smiles and "awww"s from the other members of the Pantheon.

Except for one God.

"How sentimental..." hissed a cold, scratchy, snakelike voice. Everyone turned to see a cherub wearing a green Cairo overcoat that had flashing colors on the edges standing in a shadowy corner. His name was Caliborn. He was the Lord of Time, which meant that he was essentially the God of the Destruction of Time.

"You know, I haven't been this choked up since that time I got a bunch of FAYGO stuck down my windpipe! HUH?"

Nobody was amused.

"So is this an audience or a turtle convention?"

Jake ran to Caliborn and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"So Caliborn!" said Jake, "How are things in the Underworld?"

"Well they're just fantastic," said Caliborn, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "a little dark, a little gloomy and as always _full of dead people_ whatcha gonna do." He caught sight of John.

"Oh there's the little _sunspot!_ " spat Caliborn, as he materialized a spiky pacifier, "And here's a sucker for the little sucker!"

Caliborn tried to put the thing in the boy's mouth, but John grabbed his finger and squeezed it tightly. Caliborn screeched in pain and tried to pull himself free. When he did, he looked at his sore finger and grumbled.

"Oh, c'mon Caliborn!" said Jake, sternly, "Don't be such a stiff! Join the celebration!"

"Hey," said Caliborn, walking away, "love to, but unlike you lazy imbeciles, I have a full-time gig that I need to attend to. So, I can't. Love to, but can't. Bye!"

"You ought to slow down or you'll work yourself to death," said Jake. The pun dawned on him and he laughed, "HA! Work yourself to death!"

He and the entire pantheon (sans Caliborn) laughed.

"I kill myself!" laughed Jake.

"Yeah...if only..." grumbled Caliborn.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If there's one God you don't want to anger," said Calliope, "it's Caliborn."

"He had an evil plan!" said Jade, "A plan to take over Mount Skaia!"

"He was ruler of the Underworld," said Kanaya, "but he hated his position and wanted to rule the entire cosmos..."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"DOZE!!!" shouted Caliborn as he entered the Underworld. A squat, green leprechaun wearing a green suit and a large hat that looked like a 2 billiard ball on his head walked in extremely slowly.

"Coooommmmiiiing mmmaaaaaasssterrrr." said Doze, slowly.

"ITCHY!" screamed Caliborn. A skinnier leprechaun wearing a tailcoat and a hat like a 1 billiard ball zoomed in at a blinding pace.

"AH! Yes sir! I'm comin'!" screeched Itchy at top speed. Unfortunately, he tripped over Doze who then fell over, prompting both of them to start falling all over themselves. Caliborn rolled his eyes.

"Doooozzzze." said Doze.

"ANDITCHY!" squeaked Itchy.

"Reporting for duty, sir!" they both said.

"Fine, fine, fine," said Caliborn, "Just tell me the instant the Seers arrive."

"Oh," chirped Itchy, nervously, "They're already here!"

...

 **"WHAT!?"** roared Caliborn, as his voice deepened, his eyes turned into flickering billiard balls and his body grew larger, **"THE SEERS ARE HERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?!?!?"**

The two leprechauns panicked and started bowing.

"IamnotworthyIamnotworthyIamnotworthy..."

"Pleeeeeaaaassse maaaaaasssssteeeerrrr, fooooorrrrrrgiiiiiiivvvve usssss!"

"Memo to me:" said Caliborn, calming down, "Rip you apart after I meet with the Seers..."

The two leprechauns looked at each other nervously.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Caliborn's plotting room, there were three seers, two trolls and a human girl.

Kankri, the first troll, was a tall young man with messy hair and a pair of short horns. He was wearing a red cloak with a hood and was holding up a thread with a smug look on his face. Rose, the one human among them, was pale and blond and had violet eyes. She was wearing a yellow cloak and holding some knitting needles. Terezi, the second troll, had short hair and two extremely sharp looking horns on her head. She had red eyes because she was blind (though she could still see the future) and they were hidden behind a pair of red sunglasses. She was wearing a teal cloak and holding a pair of scissors with a devious grin on her face.

"Now be careful, Terezi," said Rose, "You don't want a repeat of last time, do you?"

"I can't help it!" said Terezi, licking her lips, "I get so excited when killing criminals!"

With a snip, the thread was cut, and a scream echoed through the chamber.

"Incoming!" called out Kankri. The Seers all laughed as the soul of a man who had been put on death row floated into the Underworld. Caliborn entered and watched with a look of annoyance on his face.

"Ladies," said Caliborn.

"Ahem."

"And Kankri. So sorry I'm--"

"Late." the Seers finished for him in unison.

"We _knew_ you would be." said Kankri, annoyed.

"We know _everything._ " said Rose, proudly.

"Past, present and future!" said Terezi with her signature wicked grin, "By the way, Itchy, you might wanna invest in a helmet."

"Why?" asked Itchy, before a rock fell on his head.

"No reason," sneered Terezi.

"Right," groaned Caliborn, "anyway, I was at this party and I lost all track of--"

"We know!" said the Seers.

"I _know_ you know," said Caliborn, "Anyway, Jake--Mr. 'Big Shot', Mr. 'Double Pistols and a Wink'--now he has a..."

"Bouncing baby _brat!_ " said the Seers.

"We _know!_ " insisted Rose.

 **"I KNOW!!!!!"** screamed Caliborn, in English mode again, "You know! I got it, I got the concept."

Caliborn calmed down and asked, "So let me just ask; is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover thing or what?"

"Well..." began Terezi, sneering, before Kankri grabbed her shoulder with an angry look on his face.

"Oh no you don't!" said Kankri, angrily, "You know the rules, we're not supposed to reveal the future! Besides, it might be triggering."

"Oh, Kankri," said Rose, "not the triggers again..."

"Yeah..." said Caliborn, "You know, I could just _kill_ you guys. Then _no one_ will know the future!"

"He makes a forceful argument," said Terezi.

"Oh, alright." said Kankri.

Rose smiled and pulled out a cue ball which then floated in the air, showing images of the future to Caliborn.

" _In the thirteen years precisely,_ " began Rose, " _The planets will align ever so nicely..._ "

"Ugh, verse, oy!" groaned Caliborn.

"CULTURAL APPROPRIATION--" began Kankri, but Terezi grabbed him and made him pay more attention to the prophecy. Kankri grumbled and added his part.

" _The time to act will be at hand, unleash the Denizens your monstrous band..._ "

"Sounds good so far..." said Caliborn with a smirk.

" _Then the once proud Page of Hope will finally fall,_ " said Rose, " _And you, the Lord of Time, will rule ALL!_ "

"YESS!!!" shouted Caliborn with joy, "LORD ENGLISH RULES!!!"

" _A word of caution to this tale..._ " said Terezi.

"What?" asked Caliborn.

" _Should the Heir of Breath fight, you will fail!_ "

With that, the Seers and their cue ball vanished away, cackling evilly as they did so. Caliborn, Doze and Itchy all stood there. Then, Caliborn screamed.

 **"WHAT!!!!!!!!?????????"** he roared. But then he calmed down and said "Well then, if he's the only one who can beat me, then I know just what to do about it."

Caliborn walked away and returned with a bottle of black, gross looking liquid.

"Here," he said, handing it to the two leprechauns, "this will make the little brat mortal!"

"How?" asked Itchy.

"I tested it on some Gods a few months ago."

"I thought the Pantheon looked a little empty lately..." said Itchy.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the summit of Mount Skaia, the Gods were sleeping soundly. John slept in his cradle, with Dave napping next to him, one of his wings curled over John like a blanket. 

Itchy zoomed about the mountain, carrying Doze on his back. Doze, in turn was holding the bottle of poison. Itchy was so fast that he didn't make any noise, almost as though he was teleporting. They got to John and Dave's shared cradle and tried to grab John. But as they were reaching in, Dave and John woke up. Dave snarled in anger and suddenly transformed into a small, white Pegasus. He turned around and bucked the two leprechauns in the faces. John giggled and Itchy stood up, glaring at him, and grabbed him. Dave whinnied and flew after them, but Itchy turned around and punched him, before tossing John to Doze and picking him up, running away at top speed.

Dave returned to human form and flew over to Jake and Jane's bedroom. He made a lot of noise to wake them up and when Jake and Jane awoke, he gestured toward the door. They ran to the door and saw a figure running from the base of the mountain. Jane turned to the empty cradle and screamed. 

"JOHN!" she screamed, "HE'S GONE! MY POOR BABY!"

Jake looked out and recognized the figure as a minion of Caliborn's. Jake snarled and then screamed.

"CALIBORN!!!!!!!"

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several hundred miles away was a young couple living in a small building in the city of Prospit.

"Joey!" called out the wife. She was tall, blond and curvy, and was wearing a lab coat and long high-heeled boots. She had a pink scarf and was holding a martini glass.

"What is it, Rita dear?" asked the husband. He was also tall, and wore a business suit and a fedora. He had a large nose and a pipe in his mouth.

"I wanna have kids!" said Rita Lalonde, smiling cheerfully and batting her long eyelashes.

Joe Egbert sighed.

"Dearest, we've discussed this," he said, "I just don't think we have time for a baby right now."

"But Joey!!!!"

They heard a crash outside of their house.

"What was that!?" asked Joe looking shocked.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Itchy breathed heavily. He had stopped after traveling for several hundred miles; fortunately the baby drank the whole bottle except for one drop, after which he lied down and looked ready to fall asleep.

"Whaaaat shoooould weeee dooooo?" asked Doze.

"We get rid of it! Duh!" said Itchy.

"Buuut hooooowwwww?" asked Doze.

"We're shapeshifters, moron! Let's just turn into something dangerous and kill it!"

"Oooooohhhh yeaaaaahhhhh..." said Doze.

The two of them sneered and transformed into a pair of serpents, their fangs dripping with venom and their eyes flashing bright yellow. They prepared to attack John, but John looked up at them and giggled, grabbing them by the necks and squeezing as tightly as he could. Itchy and Doze screamed and gasped for breath as John held them tightly and started swinging them around. Eventually, they both passed out. John giggled again and was discovered by Joe and Rita.

Joe stared in shock, but Rita squealed with glee and grabbed John with a smile.

"Oh my Gods, Joe!" she said, "Look at him! Isn't he just precious?"

"How on Earth did he do that!?" asked Joe in disbelief, "What in Hope's name is going on!?"

"Oh, look Joe! He has the mark of the Gods of Breath on his shirt!" Rita suddenly gasped, and went on, "That's what he is! He's a gift! A gift from the Gods of Breath! The answer to my prayers for children! Oh thank you O' mighty Gods in Skaia! Thank you for giving me a child!"

"Rita, are you mad!" said Joe, "We can't keep this child! For all we know his real parents are worried sick!"

"But what if he doesn't have any real parents? We can't just leave him out here, he'll never survive!"

"He just strangled those two snakes!"

"But he's still just a baby!"

They both paused. Joe sighed and said, "Okay, you're right. He may be strong but that doesn't mean he can survive without any care. Let's just keep him until his real parents come looking for him..."

"And if they don't?"

Joe sighed again.

"If they don't, we can keep him permanently."

Rita cheered with delight.

"But I'm still putting up 'found child' posters until then."

"Alright," said Rita, "Hey look! He has a little gold pendant around his neck! It says...'John'."

Joe smiled.

"I guess that means his name is John."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the couple left with the baby in their arms, Doze started to panic.

"Mmmaaaaaaasssssssteeeerrrrr iiiiiiiisssssss nnnnooottttt goooiiiiiiinnng tooooo beeeee haaaaapppppyyyyy wheeeeeeeen heeeeeee fiiiiiiinds ouuuuuut." said Doze.

"You mean _if_ he finds out!" said Itchy with a sneer.

...

"Iiiiffff. Iiiiiffff iiiiissss goooood."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jake led all of the Gods on a frantic search," said Calliope, "but by the time they found the baby...it was too late."

"Yes," said Kanaya, sadly, "thanks to Caliborn's plan, John was rendered mortal. But because he didn't drink _all_ of the poison, he still had his Godly strength and his control over the wind."

"But Jake and Jane cried all night," said Jade, "for without true Godhood, John could never return to Mount Skaia."

"Indeed," said PM, "the heartbroken Gods mourned the fact that they would have to watch their son grow up from afar."

"And yet," said Porrim, "there was a ray of hope, as John grew stronger each and every day, for thirteen years..."

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the first chapter! ^_^ It was long, I know.
> 
> EDIT: Made a small change. Also I think I'll explain my casting choices so far!
> 
> I don't know why, but I decided to make all the Space Players the Muses. I guess because Calliope's an actual Muse, so it makes sense. I added PM because I needed five of them and she has Space powers after prototyping herself.
> 
> John as Hercules was a given, no need to explain. I chose Jake and Jane as Zeus and Hera 'cause, y'know, ectoparents and stuff (yes I'm aware that Hera wasn't Hercules/Heracles' mom in the myths, but this isn't based on the myths). Jake is also extremely powerful as the Page of Hope, so King of the Pantheon is a good spot for him. Mom and Dad are Herc's adoptive parents because Dad is John's adoptive father in canon.
> 
> Dave is Pegasus because he's John's best friend. I figured that here Dirk made him out of metal and brought him to life because...um...Gods can do that, I guess?
> 
> Caliborn as Hades should be self-explanatory, as should Doze and Itchy as Pain and Panic. And again, I apologize for Doze's unreadable speech.
> 
> And lastly (for now) the Seers as the Fates was a given, so it wasn't really a question of who would play the Fates specifically, and more a question of which Seer would play which Fate. Instead being shackled by Disney's portrayal, I decided to go by what Mythology says about the three Fates; Rose ended up as Clotho (because Rose knits and Clotho spins the tapestry of life), Kankri was Lachesis (Lachesis measures the thread and Kankri can see people's relations to one another) and Terezi was Atropos (Terezi likes to "execute" her Scalemates and Atropos cuts the thread of life, ending the person's existence).
> 
> You can probably guess from the tags who will play Meg and Phil, but I'll give you guys a hint anyway:  
> Meg's character will be someone who's like her in SOOOOOOOO many ways.  
> Phil's character will be more of a crab than a goat.


	2. "I can go the distance!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John longs to fit in and learns an unusual secret about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm so late ^_^ I've had school all week. 
> 
> NOTE: John's not singing "Go the Distance" here; it's sort of going on in the background.

Thirteen years later...

"LOOK OUT!!!"

Joe Egbert and Bro Strider both ran out of the building they working in to see a large, chaotic scene occurring.

John, Joe's son, was running around, desperately trying to keep the horse he had been tending to from running rampant through the town. The horse, Maplehoof, had been spooked by a snake and was currently running through the town, whinnying and snorting as John clung desperately to her tail. People leaped out of the way, screaming and shouting as buildings were knocked down and destroyed when John made contact with them, his immense strength reducing them to rubble instantly. Eventually, John just let go and jumped onto the ground. He then used his power over the wind to catch Maplehoof in a miniature tornado, in which she stayed stationary for a while. John wiped the sweat off of his brow and smiled. The town was safe.

Or not.

He looked around to see all the angry faces glaring at him.

"You again!" shouted the Authority Regulator, "It's always you! If your father wasn't friends with the mayor I'd arrest you right now! This is worse than when he destroyed the museum!"

Joe and Bro took that as their cue to jump to John's aide.

"Now, AR," said Joe, "John can't help that he's...um..."

"Different." suggested Bro.

A woman scoffed.

"That's putting it mildly!" she said, "That boy of yours is a menace!"

"He's a freak!"

"He's a walking disaster!"

"He ought to be locked up somewhere!"

The townspeople's scorn made John feel three inches tall, despite his strength and his father and godfather defending him. They didn't deserve all this; it all just made him feel like he was a burden to them. 

He ran.

"John!" said Joe, reaching over to him, but Bro placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Just give him some time alone." said Bro.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John stood at the edge of a lake that he often went to when he was feeling upset. Sighing, he picked up a rock and tossed it along the water, watching it skip across the surface.

He sighed again.

"I hate all this," he said, "I wish I didn't have to be so different. Mom, Dad, Bro...they don't deserve all this anger thrown at them everyday...it's my fault, they shouldn't have to apologize on my behalf."

_I have often dreamed_  
 _Of a far off place_

John looked up at the clouds, remembering a place he often saw in his dreams.

_Where a great, warm welcome_  
 _Will be waiting for me_

In that dream, he would walk up to a big beautiful palace, where a crowd of people would be waiting.

_Where the crowds would cheer_  
 _When they see my face_

They cheered, yelled with happiness, shed tears of joy and hailed him as a hero. And in every occurrence...

_And a voice keeps saying..._

Something inside of him would say:

 _"This is where I'm meant to be!"_

He smiled at the thought.

_I will find my way_  
 _I can go the distance_  
 _I'll be there someday_  
 _If I can be strong_  
 _I know every mile_  
 _Will be worth my while_  
 _I would go most anywhere to feel like I..._  
 _Belong._

"John."

John turned to see his parents, looking sadly at him. His mother had tears in her eyes.

"Your mother and I have something to tell you."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The family sat together in the living room, Rita, Joe and John sitting on the couch and Bro standing outside the living room door. The family dog, Becquerel, lay in front of the couch, sound asleep.

"But I don't understand," said John, "If you guys adopted me, where did I come from?"

Rita pulled out a locket with a God of Breath symbol on it.

"It's a symbol for the Gods," she said, "It was around your neck when we found you."

John's eyes lit up.

"The Gods! The Gods on Mount Skaia! They'll have the answer!"

He looked at his parents.

"Mom, Dad," he said, "You guys are the best parents a guy could ask for, but I got to know!"

"We understand," Rita choked out, wiping her eyes.

The three of them hugged.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, John was all packed and ready to go to the Temple of Skaia. His mother and father hugged him and Bro gave him a thumbs up as he prepared to leave.

"I'll miss all of you," he said, "But I promise, I'll be back."

"BARK! BARK!"

Becquerel came in and started licking John.

"Heh, I'll miss you too, Bec!" he said.

And with that, he left, waving his family goodbye. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Temple of Skaia was very far away, and John crossed rivers, mountains and valleys to get there.

As he finally got there, he looked up at the giant statue of Jake, the King of the Gods.

"Oh mighty Page of Hope," he said, "I wish to know the secret of my origin. I beseech you, please, tell me where I came from. Please, tell me--"

But before he could finish, something unexpected and shocking happened; the entire temple rumbled and shook. The statue began to move, seemingly on its own. And then, in seconds, it looked down at him with a soft, fatherly smile.

"Woah..." was all John could say.

"My boy," said Jake, lovingly, "my dear son!"

"Son!?" asked John in disbelief.

"Why yes! Your search for your origin is over! Come, hop aboard!"

Jake placed his massive stone hand on the ground. John shrugged and jumped on.

"That was fast!" said John.

"Oh son," said Jake, "look at you, all grown up. You look just like--well, you look just like me! Except you have your mother's eyes. Oh! And you also have her...oh dear..."

"What?"

"Oh...nothing...that's not the point! The point is, you were just a baby when you were taken from us!"

"I was taken from you?"

"Yes! And sadly, you no longer have the divinity to come home! But if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth, you can come back to Skaia and be a God!"

"WOW!" said John, astonished, "Really?"

"Hey, would a giant, talking, speedo wearing statue lie to you?"

"Cool! Where do I start?"

"You will need to seek out another God; Karkat, the Knight of Blood. He can train you, teach you the ways of a true hero. He lives on the distant island of Lopah."

"Cool!" said John as Jake gently set him down. He was about to leave, but Jake stopped him.

"Wait a minute!" he said, "You need some transport!"

With that, he whistled and a large white stallion with massive, crow-like wings flew in. The winged horse had, of all things, a pair of sunglasses on its face. As it landed, it transformed into a boy, about John's age, with short white hair and a red cowl. He looked at John with a stoic expression.

"'Sup." said the boy.

"Woah, cool!" said John, "Who is this?"

"This is Dave," said Jake, "He was your best friend when you were a baby!"

"I don't remember that..."

"Maybe this will refresh your memory," said Dave, who proceeded to give John a headbutt. John laughed and hugged Dave.

"Now I remember!" he said.

"Now go on your way!" said Jake as he turned back into a stationary statue.

"Alright!" said John as Dave transformed into a pegasus again, "To Karkat, the Knight of Blood, on Lopah!"

He got on Pegasus!Dave's back and the two took flight, on course to the island.

_I am on my way_  
 _I can go the distance_  
 _I'll be there someday_  
 _Somehow I'll be strong!_  
 _I know every mile will be worth my while_  
 _I will go most anywhere to find where I..._  
 _BELONG!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't think John would be at all freaked out by a talking statue. He'd think it's cool.
> 
> Bro is basically supposed to be Dad's brother here, BTW.


End file.
